So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
