Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
