So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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