Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
