I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
