I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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