i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
