Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
