either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
