i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
