I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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