guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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