Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
