Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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