It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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