Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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