i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
