And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Cover your peen. We're going out.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
