She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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