wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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