dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
