the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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