Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
