i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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