What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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