I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
