My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
