Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
that is very illegal...i love you.
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