I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize