Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
