You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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