The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
