god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
