Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
