She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
