Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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