your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
