I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
