I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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