Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
