I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
