About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
