So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
