I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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