that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
