Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
