Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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