I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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