i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
