Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
