Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Please, let me fuck your mom
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
