Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
