just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
