My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
