i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
