i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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