We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
