How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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