2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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